I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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