Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i will never coherently bang her
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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