My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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