i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
