That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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