i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I am mentally ready for anal.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
