just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize