The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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