The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
