it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
What a dumb baby whore.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
