its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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