Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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