i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
