Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize