i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
