So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
