I can tuck mytits in my pants
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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