i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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