i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize