I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
