You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
She just used a chaser for red wine.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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