I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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