I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
My breasts were aching with rage.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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