if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Just took my morning after pill in the library
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize