I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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