cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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