Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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