this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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