I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
