no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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