allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
