i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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