i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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