How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
