I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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