Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
