she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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