I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
