i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
he just fucked me for my cheese..
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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