Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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