I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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