His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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