Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize