I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
