Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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