It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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