You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
