Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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