Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
