Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
