I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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