Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
