took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
