So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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