I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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