***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
