walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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