Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
