I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
