What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
