I am puke
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
