Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
