I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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