Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
