We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
