I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
