I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
