the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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