were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize