It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
