I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I have so many feelings about this burrito
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
