My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
