just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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