The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
it's great music for shaving your balls
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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