Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
