Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
