i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Randomize
