just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
