Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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