Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
