i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize