It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize