So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
