My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
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