Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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