good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
