i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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