I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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