someone get that fucking seahorse.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
