I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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