better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I just want nice things and good sex
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
