Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
