I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
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