It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Drake has all the answers
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
