I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
There's even glitter on my cock...
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
