if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize