I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
