i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
